What are you trying to control that’s keeping you from enjoying your life? A recent note about laundry got me thinking about the things we try to control that cause us more grief than they need to.

First, I fully admit being a type B personality, but I’m also an eldest daughter, so I do have some control tendencies.

Here’s the thing I found though, trying to control everything is just a recipe for driving yourself to exhaustion. You can’t control it all no matter how hard you try and continuing to do so will only end up with you losing your freaking mind.

So the question is, where in your life can you give up control?

Now, I don’t necessarily mean big stuff, though if you can offload some of that as well, that’s great. But if you’re like me, you can’t afford the cost of doing that, literally or figuratively.

I mean, it’s my dream to be able to afford a housekeeper, but I’d rather not have to work 50+ hours a week at a job that sucks the life out of me in order to afford one. So I manage the cleaning the best I can.

It also means I hand off tasks to my family members as well. My kids are teenagers. They’ve been helping out with house chores since they were young enough to hold a dust cloth.

Do they do a stellar job at cleaning?

Of course not. The vacuuming is minimal at best. The mirrors and windows are more streaked than when I attempt them, and they still don’t know where half the dishes go when putting them away from the dishwasher.

I could let it get to me and try to do it all myself, or I can let it go and accept the help I get. In the grand scheme of things, the missed dirt will get caught next time. A few streaks won’t hurt anything, it’s certainly better than it was. And it takes me a minute to put away the clean dishes left on the counter.

Letting it go gives me back time and sanity. Things much more important to me than a perfectly clean house or having things done a certain way.

Another thing I gave up control of when my kids were young is laundry. My husband has always done his own. My boys started helping me with the laundry when they were 3 or 4, and by the time they were 6 years old, they were in charge of doing their own.

To make it easier for everyone, no one has fussy clothes, so they can all be washed together. Sure, their clothes rarely get folded, but they’re boys and their clothes are wrinkled and dirty almost as soon as they put them on anyway.

This taught them responsibility at an early age, and it has saved me countless hours of work. Plus, if they don’t have clean clothes, then it’s their own fault.

Some may think this is cruel or slave labor, but my husband and I both grew up as farm kids. We were responsible for keeping animals alive by the time we were that age. It’s good for kids to learn responsibility young, and that’s one hill I will die on. I work in education, and I see what happens when kids haven’t had to learn how to take responsibility.

Now, I know some of you are thinking but I live alone. Well then, you’re SOL on getting people to help with the cleaning, but really, it’s only you. There’s probably not much of a mess to begin with, and your space is probably on the small side, so it shouldn’t take you all that long to whip it into shape. If it does, then stop being so damn messy.

There are other areas you can give over control, such as with the shopping. Unless you live in the smallest of rural towns, most stores nowadays will shop for you. All you have to do is make the list and pick your order up. Even my small town of 5500 has two stores that offer this service, and it’s free with a nominal minimum purchase.

Now doing my own shopping is one place I don’t like giving up control. I tried the pickup service for a while, but I’m a sales shopper and I got tired of dealing with all the substitutions. It was causing me more hassle to do it than not.

My husband now usually goes shopping with me, so it’s almost like a mini date. I always have a list of what I’m getting. We go earlier in the morning when there’s fewer people, and it’s usually quite quick and painless. It’s not an area I needed to give up control to save myself some aggravation.

Not every task is something we need to hand over control of, but if your family is trying to help with the dishes and you keep coming behind them to move things around the dishwasher, ask yourself: do I need to control this? Is it worth making my family members feel inadequate because the forks have to go in a specific way?

Some food for thought the next time you fall into bed exhausted from making sure every last thing is up to your standards. Or you’re fighting with your spouse over how the toilet paper roll should be put in a certain direction.

Until next time, stay cozy.

Last week I wrote about celebrating the small wins. This is a practice that makes working toward goals less frustrating. It helps you enjoy the journey and can be valuable when you feel like giving up because you feel like you might never reach what you are working so hard toward.

Today I want to share something else that can help you achieve your goals. Or provide inspiration to continue when what you’re trying to achieve is something you’ll be doing for the rest of your life, such as health issues or the caretaking of a child or parent.

We all have reasons for wanting to achieve our goals. It’s pretty common for us to write our goals down, but the part we often skip is writing down why we want to achieve them.

Yes, I’m talking about the why.

It’s quite possible that you’re rolling your eyes right now, because I went there.

Trust me, as an educator, I’ve heard it more than I’d ever like to. But most times it’s coming from the administration when they’re trying to coax us into something we’re not happy with. In these situations, sometimes the why just isn’t enough.

But even then, your why can be helpful. If it’s not enough to carry you through, then maybe you don’t have a good enough why.

If your why isn’t enough to help pull you through, then it’s time for an honest look at why that is.

Are you working toward something that has actual meaning and purpose for you, or did you fall into something and need to pivot?

Writing down your why for your goals gives you a reminder to go back to when you’re struggling and things are not going how you had hoped. Maybe it’s taking longer than you’d like to reach your goal. Or it’s been a bad day and you just want to throw in the towel.

Starting with the why of it all helps you to create better goals for yourself in the first place. This helps set you up for success from the start because you are getting clear on what’s important to you about it.

I go back to my whys often, and yes, I have multiple whys. At least one for each of my different goals.

My why for getting movement into my day and eating healthier is because I want to continue to be independent as I age. I want to be able to enjoy and participate in life instead of being relegated to the sidelines, because I didn’t take care of myself when I was younger. I also remind myself that nine times out of ten I feel much better after even a short walk outside.

My why for clearing out the clutter in my house is that I don’t want to spend my time managing stuff. I want the mental calm that comes with having a tidy space. I also don’t want a mess for my family to deal with once I pass. It’s not fair to them to have to make the decisions I put off today.

My why for spending countless unpaid hours building different income streams is because I want to be financially independent. I don’t want to be reliant on just one thing in case that income was ever to get taken away. I am also working on building ways to continue to earn that and do sustainably for the rest of my life, because I enjoy the work.

I have these why’s written down, along with my ideal day. The why’s are part of how I created my ideal day in the first place. It’s all in a notebook that I keep out and refer to often. Especially on the days when it seems like I’m spinning my wheels and not getting anywhere.

I also find it immensely helpful to write a reminder of how it feels when you are doing your why. Such as my why for getting movement into my day. I like to include yoga so my reminder is when I do yoga my I ache less, feel less tense, and am more relaxed afterward.

Between the whys, reminders, and the small wins list, I can remind myself why I’m working toward my goals and how far I’ve actually come.

It also helps to remember that a bad day does not make for a bad life. This too shall pass and all that jazz. It might sound trite, but things really do usually look better after a good night’s sleep.

I also include these reminders and similar quotes in the same notebook.

There are days and weeks when I feel like giving up, but I know that eventually my things swing in the other direction. It’s just a matter of riding out those hard days without throwing in the towel.

If that means I give up for the day and take a nap, then so be it. But more often than not now, if I refer back to my why’s I find myself going for a walk instead.

Get clear on your whys and let me know if it helps the next time you want to quit working toward one of your goals.

Until next time, stay cozy.

Time for July’s real life check in. July certainly took a nosedive from how well June went. Life events happened that were both expected and unexpected, but I found it didn’t matter how ready I thought I was for what was happening, but once the time was here, I was not as prepared for it as I thought.

What I’m struggling with:

I’ve been struggling with some back pain. It’s kept me from being as active as I’d like. It’s finally starting to feel better, but now I’m afraid of aggravating it again, so I haven’t gotten back into strength training or doing other things that need done.

What I’m proud of:

I’m oh so proud of digging into the clutter that has been plaguing me for far too long. I spent a few hours on a rainy Saturday afternoon and cleared out 3 and a half bags, plus a box of things to donate and throw away. It felt amazing and motivated me to keep going and now have a total of 5 bags and a box that are getting cleared out.

What I’m avoiding:

Getting my fall garden planted. July is the optimal time, and we’ve reached the end of it. I need to get seeds in the ground, but the weeds are out of control this year, so I would have to spend extensive time getting rid of them first. It’s such a big task I’ve been avoiding it. Also, my back issues are slowing me down here as well. I could just let it go and be done, but with the way things are with the fresh produce outbreak in the stores, I really need to at least get some lettuce and spinach going.

What I’m trying again with:

Giving myself grace. It’s been a rough month, and I’ve been trying to give myself grace with how I’m handling things. It’s not easy when your mind is scattered by life events and you still need to keep up with the rest of life. I fell behind on some things but am trying to be gentler with myself about it. It’s okay to take time to recover, but long ingrained pressures are hard to let go of.

What I’m grateful for:

Being able to take time to deal with issues happening in my life without having to just push through them. I worked hard to build cushions into my work so if I needed some breathing room, everything wouldn’t fall apart. This month I had to dip into that cushion. I’m completely grateful for the previous hard work that made this possible.

I share all of this because I’ve grown tired of the perfectly curated lives that are what get shared online. They do nothing but make the majority of people feel bad about their own lives because they are comparing themselves to someone else’s highlight reels. One of my goals with this platform is to show the unfiltered, authentic parts of life that most never show or even talk about.

Doing these check-ins and putting words to these things helps me to celebrate what is working and not obsess so much about the negatives, because I’ve acknowledged it. It goes a long way toward helping me find the cozy balance many of us are seeking.

Give it a try yourself. Tell me, what’s one thing that’s working or not for you this month?

Until next time, stay cozy.

How often in life do you stop to celebrate the small wins? For most I would venture to say not very often.

We have big dreams and goals and are always focusing on the next promotion, maybe buying a house, or getting into the best shape of our lives.

When we achieve those things, we celebrate big, but then the accomplishment is quickly forgotten as we look to the next goal or achievement we’re striving for.

Life becomes a blur of long periods of slogging through struggle for short periods of celebration. And while we’re in the in-between keeping motivated is hard because those long days of working constantly for something that’s so far away take their toll.

Having goals and dreams is great. They give us reasons to get out of bed in the morning and working toward something gives us purpose in life.

The thing is we often get so caught up in chasing them we forget to celebrate along the way. The journey is forgotten with our focus on the destination.

Ralph Waldo Emerson so wisely advised that, “Life is a journey, not a destination.”

Enjoying the journey will bring so much more joy than focusing on the destination, because sometimes we never even reach the destination. It’s a constant journey.

To find enjoyment in the journey we need to celebrate all the small wins along the way. We are achieving so much as we work towards our goals, but because they are not the final destination, they are usually ignored.

And sometimes it’s the small wins that can help keep us going when we want to quit because it feels like our goals and dreams are too far out of reach.

I highly encourage you to write down each and every one so you can look back and see how far you’ve come and how much you have accomplished.

Some days the wins are as simple as getting out of bed. We’ve all had those days, and it’s perfectly okay to celebrate that. In fact, those are the days we probably need to celebrate more than others. Do something nice for yourself. Get yourself a treat like a coffee, baked goods, or flowers. Better yet get all three.

Find ways to applaud yourself for these accomplishments. You get to read a chapter of your book, watch a favorite show, have a glass of wine or a meal you like.

Make every day one of celebration and joy for doing the things we need to do. Did you go for a walk today? Good for you. Write it down, give yourself a gold star.

If you want, you can make those add up over time and when you hit a certain point you can do something even bigger like go out for dinner or buy yourself something you’ve been wanting.

Waiting to celebrate until you reach your destination is nothing but a recipe for giving up. At least in my experience. If you’re doing nothing but grinding away, especially for something that’s going to take you a significant time to achieve, it’s really hard to stick with it to see the payoff without reward along the way.

If you’re intentional about recognizing those small wins on the journey, life becomes so much more fulfilling. It gives you something to look forward to on the stops of your voyage. It helps make those extra big dreams and goals feel more attainable.

My wins today so far are getting this article written and having a healthy breakfast. I celebrated with an extra iced coffee while I write.

What are your wins today? Maybe you got a workout in this morning. Did you finish a book? Remembered to put the clothes in the dryer right away? Honestly if you did that give yourself a medal, because that’s a tough one.

We all could use more wins in our lives. No one said they had to be big, so celebrate them all. See how much happier you become when making the bed gets a reward.

Until next time, stay cozy.

One of the big reasons I started this Substack is because I have a vision for what I want my life to look like in the future. As I get older, I’m faced with my own mortality as tends to happen in middle age. Especially when the aches and pains start randomly showing up and it seems my body is suddenly completely different from what I’ve been used to for so many years.

Nowadays it’s more common than not to have something aching, usually for some unknown reason. Waking up refreshed rarely happens. Oftentimes I’ve woken up at some point in the night and was unable to get back to sleep for a couple of hours. I also have to sleep with a very specific pillow to keep from having neck pain in the morning and my hips are usually achy.

I can only imagine what life will be like if I don’t get serious about taking care of myself now. The other day I saw an older overweight woman in the store. She was shuffling along with labored breath, leaning on the handle of the cart for support. That right there is my greatest fear.

I don’t want the second half of my life to be plagued by inactivity and ailments. My goal is to be active and independent for as long as I possibly can. As much as I love being cozy, I also want to enjoy participating in life, not watching it pass me by from the couch scrolling on my phone.

In order for this to happen I need to know exactly what I want my life to look like. How I want to spend my days. So I sat down and wrote out what my ideal days look like. The ones that are filled with the things that give me joy and fill my bucket. The activities that leave me energized instead of depleted at the end of the day. I might be tired, but it’s a good tired from a day spent doing things I love.

I also can’t ignore that there are things I must start or continue doing now to stay healthy and self-sufficient as I age. So I need to plan those activities into my days as well.

Knowing this information and having it all written down gives me a map and a plan I can work towards.

It helps me make decisions each day. I now ask myself regularly - Does or will this help me get the life I want?

Now this doesn’t automatically mean everything I now do will support the life I’m striving toward. There are things I do that certainly don’t support the life I’m working toward, because I’m only human and will default to the easier option, especially when life is more difficult.

But it does make me aware of the choices I’m making. I know that as long as I don’t let the choice become a long-term habit it will be okay in the short term to help me through the times when I’m struggling.

This is what Comfy Not Complacent is all about. It’s okay to be comfortable as long as we don’t become complacent with never leaving that comfort. There is a balance. A person who is chronically comfortable most likely will not thrive because we don’t grow when we’re stuck in comfort. We become stagnant and start to decay from inactivity.

What does the life you want look like? Do you even know?

I encourage you to write out your ideal day with all the things you enjoy and need to have to thrive. Then think about what you need to do to have those days more often.

You can’t get to where you want to go without a map. And this activity gives you a map to get to the life you want.

Camilla - One Year From Now said in a recent note that she uses her 85-year-old self as a compass. I love this idea as well. Using the version of yourself you want to be as your guidepost.

What will your older self thank you for doing today?

Until next time, stay cozy.

This post contains affiliate links. If you purchase through them, I may earn a small commission at no extra cost to you. I only recommend things I actually use or genuinely think you’d love.

There was a time when I was working full time with a toddler and my oldest was just starting school. I was also commuting almost an hour a day and working on my master’s degree. To say I was tired and strapped for time would be an understatement.

This ‌also meant I was grabbing takeout multiple times a week. Fast food and pizza were far too large ‌a portion of our diets. It was doing no favors to our health or bank account.

This was also around the time the Instant Pot was released. I saw somewhere that it made hard-boiled fresh eggs easy to peel. I was intrigued because we have chickens and I was still buying eggs specifically to make hard-boiled ones, because I was tired of wasting half the egg trying to peel the darn things.

I’m a researcher, so I took a deep dive into the newly created Facebook group dedicated to the appliance. I was blown away by all I learned and that people were doing with the machine. I wasted no time purchasing my own and haven’t been without it since. In fact, I now own two.

There were several recipes I had saved to try out from the Facebook group. One of the first ones I tried after using it for hard-boiled eggs and finding it delivered as promised was a recipe for meatballs and pasta.

This one intrigued me because our family eats a lot of pasta, so it was right up their alley. The other draw to this recipe was how truly hands off it was. Four ingredients is all it takes, and you set it and walk away. 20 minutes later, dinner is ready.

It was an instant hit with my family, and still to this day, eleven years later, it’s my youngest child’s favorite meal. We still have it at least a couple of times a month. I plan for it for the days I know are going to be absolutely crazy, and I won’t have the time or energy to cook.

The four ingredients you need are a sturdy large pasta (I usually use penne or medium shells, something that has at least an eight-minute cook time on the package), frozen meatballs, a 24oz jar of marinara sauce (I usually use a four cheese one), and 2 cups of shredded cheese of your choice (I usually use mozzarella or cheddar).

To cook, layer the frozen meatballs on the bottom of the pot, pour the pasta on top of them, and then the marinara directly on top of the pasta. Cover it all with water, usually two of the pasta jars of water, just enough to cover the pasta. Don’t stir it. You want the meatballs on the bottom and the sauce on ‌top to keep from getting a burn notice.

Lock ‌the lid and set it to high pressure for 4 minutes. After it’s finished cooking, usually about 20 minutes including coming to pressure, do a quick release by flipping the vent valve. Stir in the cheese and dinner is done with very little effort. A salad or frozen veggies cooked in the microwave complete the meal.

This recipe became a weekly staple in our house. I knew no matter how tired I was, I would be able to make this meal. It helped wean us off takeout.

To this day, I always have these ingredients on hand. I stock up on them when they’re on sale and save even more money.

I will be the first to admit that this is no gourmet meal and the noodles can end up on the mushy side if you let them sit too long on warm, but it is kid friendly and so much cheaper and better than takeout for those days when dinner is an afterthought.

Until next time, use your Instant Pot and get cozy.

Today is my 20th wedding anniversary. It feels surreal typing that because I’m pretty sure I just graduated from college last year. There’s no way I should be old enough to have been married for so long, but here we are.

Marriage is a funny thing. It contains the highest of highs and the lowest of lows. Much like anything in life I suppose. But this is with one person you’ve chosen to spend the rest of your life with.

I don’t know that anything can really prepare you for all that being with someone this long can entail.

The one thing I do know from my experience is that you have to be prepared to fight. Because there’s going to be fights. Combining two lives and then potentially adding the stress of raising other human beings together is no easy feat.

You’re going to fight about all sorts of things from the inconsequential like how toilet paper should be hung to the most important life choices. But you also are going to have to fight for your relationship at times too. There are times one or both of you might want to walk away, and you are fighting to stay together.

It might be crazy but I’m thankful for the fights, because it means we still care enough to fight. We have chosen to stick it through. We continue to choose to love one another through the evolving phases of our relationship, through the growth and changes of each other.

We are not the same people who got married, but we continue to love and grow together.

In doing this we’ve created some amazing memories, a beautiful family, and a life I’m so very grateful for.

He makes me feel as loved and wanted today as he did back when we got married. He continues to tell me how lucky he is I chose him. And he still surprises me in the best of ways as we continue to build our life together.

He might not buy me flowers, but he’s built me a garden and greenhouses to grow my own, along with chicken coops and an orchard.

We appreciate the simpler things in life and work hard together for all we have. We’ll never be rich in the financial sense, but we’re so much richer than most in all the important ways.

We have fun together and laugh often. We still enjoy each other’s company. We encourage and support each other’s interests.

We tease each other and flirt. We don’t get jealous. Faithfulness has never been a question, but an absolute.

He’s my best friend and we stand by each other through it all.

I know how fortunate I am to be able to make these statements. I found my person and we put in the effort and work to keep our relationship healthy.

I can only hope we are fortunate enough to continue to fight, laugh, work and love together for the next 20 years as well.

For me, a big aspect of living more intentionally is looking at how sustainably I’m living. This includes taking a hard look at my shopping habits and the clutter they have caused. I’m not a shopaholic by any means, but I am an avid online shopper.

Like so many, I have Amazon Prime. Living in a rural area it allows me access to items I never would otherwise be able to get, and it does save me money. We also use the streaming service instead of having a TV service. But it has also led to over purchasing of items we don’t really need.

This is not the only site I have problems with. There are tons of others which show up daily in my emails touting their wares. Things I love and drool over. I should unsubscribe from them and keep myself from‌ temptation, but I’m also a bargain shopper and will absolutely not buy something if it’s not on sale at all costs. Those emails keep me apprised of sales and promotions so I can buy the things I enjoy without paying full price.

This is yet one more place in my life where I’m searching for balance. The purchases I have made now fill our 2000 square foot home. Shoved into clothes, overfilled drawers, and nooks and crannies. This does not include a garage, which is over half full of boxes of stuff we haven’t looked at since moving in six and a half years ago.

I’ve talked about my closet stuffed to the brim with clothes, shoes, and other items I just had to have in the moment. There are boxes of multiple sizes of clothes for fluctuating weight. And let’s not forget the items I am emotionally attached to that I really should get rid of but just can’t bring myself to do so.

I have been working really hard to be more intentional with my purchases this year. I wait several days and even multiple sales before actually purchasing something, if I buy it at all. Many times, I have stopped myself from buying something that is almost a duplicate of what I already have, just slightly different. All in my quest for the perfect handbag, shoes, clothes, gadget, or kitchen appliance.

Books are especially problematic for me as a bibliophile. I love reading, and nothing beats an actual book in your hands. I love thumbing through them periodically, seeing notes I’ve made in the margins. Overflowing shelves are now an issue. There are many I haven’t cracked in decades but are a capsule of my interests over the years.

Being content with what I have and knowing when enough is enough has been my focus more recently. I’m also at a point in my life where quality over quantity matters to me. I would rather save up for something that’s going to last me years, over things that will wear out or break within months.

There are times to splurge, and times to keep the wallet closed. The trick is to know the difference.

No more, it’s just a few dollars. Tossing it into the cart without a second thought. Those few dollars add up, and before you know it, you’ve spent more than you ever intended. Those small leaks matter and add up in the long run.

Being more intentional with how I spend my money allows me to live the slower life I want.

So I’m doing much better in the shopping regard, but the clutter is still plaguing me after years of not being as discerning about my spending. Clearing out the things I haven’t used in years is no longer and I’ll get to it eventually problem like I talked about before. It’s something I need to take a serious look at now.

This became glaringly evident as we were getting ready for vacation. There were some items I knew I bought and tucked away for just such occasion, and I couldn’t find them anywhere in my multiple searches of the house.

I wasted so much time looking for things. Even going as far as to look up the receipts ‌just to make sure my mind wasn’t misremembering purchasing them, IYKYK–midlife brain fog.

Then there was the moment I was looking for something in my office I couldn’t find. I ended up cleaning out three stuffed drawers, spending more time I didn’t have searching for items. This time I found $41 stashed away. Money, I have no idea how long it had been there or why it was shoved into the drawers in the first place.

There are cords of all sorts, and I have no idea what they go to. The things we keep just in case we might need them some day. Yes, I’m one of those. My house is full of that type of item.

When I wrote about the clutter problem before I talked about the $20 rule for keeping items like this at bay. If it would take less than $20 and five minutes to replace, get rid of it. This is one I for sure will be following as I work through the clutter. Because there are many things, I’ve bought two of because I completely forgot I had the first one anyway.

The other was funnier and disgusting, but same principle. If the item was covered in poop, would it be worth cleaning? I don’t know that there is much I would clean poop off to keep.

Once I finally get things cleaned out and down to a manageable level, I’m going to use the one in one out rule. If I buy something new, something old must be thrown out, sold, or donated. This is key to keeping things from getting out of control once again.

I know cleaning the clutter helps with mental health as well. I always feel much better after a good cleaning. Just as I did after finally getting all the paperwork that was scattered around my office organized.

There was a big dopamine hit in that achievement. Something to look forward to but getting started is the challenge.

Its just decluttering is one of those tasks I absolutely dread. I hate cleaning in general. Not only that but finding the time to tackle such a huge task is daunting.

With how chaotic my life is at the moment, I can’t fathom taking on a task like this, especially all at once.

For now, I’m doing my best to throw things out as I come across them or put them into a donation bag. I also have a pile of things to sell, but these are beginning to be part of the clutter problem, so most will probably get donated or tossed.

I’m not going to attempt it all at once because I know from experience it’ll only get worse and then the even larger mess lingers. The goal is to focus on one drawer or shelf at a time to keep from being overwhelmed.

Do you have clutter causing you to waste money and time? Welcome to the club. There are many more of us here than we’d care to admit.

If you’re ready to simplify, spend less, and tackle the clutter, I’d love to have you join me. We can start a support group and encourage each other. If this is you, let me know in the comments or message me.

Until next time, stay cozy.

Life has recently descended into chaos of epic proportions for me. At this point, it’s all I can do to just keep my head above water, paddling furiously to keep from slipping beneath the surface.

I have reached the point ‌where all I want to do is sink into my comfy chair, pull my coziest blanket over me and numb myself with junk food, mindless doomscrolling and novels with happy endings.

My grandmother fell and broke her hip. Due to medical conditions, they are unable to do the surgery necessary to repair it. She is now in hospice care. I found out a week after it happened just two days before I was leaving on vacation. I managed to go see her with my parents and my sons before we left.

I thought I had made my peace with her impending passing long ago. She has been in poor health for many years and is 95 years old. It has been a waiting game for a long time, but now it’s here, I’ve found it still doesn’t make it any easier.

It doesn’t help that, like many families, turmoil has plagued our relationships over the years. This, of course, only exacerbates already high emotions and tensions. Dredging up old trauma and ripping open wounds is never fun.

This is all compounded by the recent passing of a long-time family friend, who was more like family, only a month ago.

I’ve been doing my best to focus on the good and remember the times when things were happy. To keep moving forward because life unfortunately doesn’t stop. In fact, it seems like things are moving at warp speed lately.

We’re also getting curveballs thrown at us left and right.

There was a vacation I had worked double time to ahead for and that couldn’t be canceled due to some of the activities we had going during that time. Really, it was probably one of the best things for us to get away for a few days and decompress without all the everyday pressures.

We made some great memories together, and it was nice to unplug and be out of service for a couple of days. There was nothing more pressing than playing games, fishing, reading, and going for walks.

Coming home, though, brought reality roaring back. We were almost in an accident on the way home. It’s only due to my husband’s superior driving skills that we did not end up with a totaled vehicle and trailer. The man in front of us he was able to avoid thanked him and told him how impressed he was with his quick thinking and maneuvering.

Once home, there was the unloading, cleaning, laundry, and catching up with the exploding garden. My oldest started his first job, and we had to get him set up with a checking account. My youngest needs a haircut. My car is due to the dealership for a recall repair, and I’ve been going round and round with their service department trying to get it scheduled. There’s a plumbing issue in one of our bathrooms. I have work deadlines looming, as well as emails and inquiries to catch up on. My cousin, who hasn’t visited in several years, is here and I would like to make time for at least a short visit.

That’s all on top of the everyday tasks like making dinner, paying bills, taking care of animals and the garden which still need to happen.

All the while, grief quietly lingers in the background. Sometimes hitting at the most inopportune times. I know this from experience, but it doesn’t make it any easier to deal with.

The fact that one of my jobs is writing and being creative is a challenge. Staring at the blank screen, attempting to bring a story to life is even more difficult when your life is in chaos.

So right now, I’m doing what I can, focusing on the most important things as they come. I’m trying to be gentle with myself, allowing grace and not feeling like a failure when I have to let some things slip.

I’m pushing myself to keep up with walks and am trying to be more aware of the foods I’m fueling my body with. But I’m having days when I’ve reached my limit, too exhausted to move from my chair, doomscrolling on my phone looking for quick dopamine hits, and my diet looks like that of a ten-year-old let loose with ‌$100 in a convenience store.

In the grand scheme of things, it’s not the end of the world. Not at the moment. It might be if I don’t keep pushing myself to do better on the days I can. If I continue to sit there and things slowly get out of hand because I’ve given up completely.

For now, the focus is on taking things one day at a time. Weathering the difficult stretches is part of life. I know things will get better. They may get worse first, but the good always returns. Even during times of turmoil, there are things to be grateful for, and focusing on those will help to pull me through.

Acknowledging what I’m going through and allowing my mind and body the space and time it needs to process makes those unproductive days easier. Being aware will keep me from getting stuck in a place that does not serve me the way I want. Because it would be far too easy to pull the blanket over my head and allow the overwhelm to keep me from moving forward. To get stuck with the comfort I’m seeking presently more often than not.

It’s all part of finding the balance. Until next time, stay cozy.

Time for June’s real life check in. I started ‌June with strong momentum that only continued to grow throughout the month. I’m feeling good about the habits and consistency that are setting me up to achieve my goals.

What I’m struggling with:

My scrolling is getting out of hand. I need to work on replacing this habit with something else. I have some mind games that I enjoy playing and have been trying to replace scrolling with those. I’d really like to put my phone down all together more often. I would like to replace it with non-fiction reading and journaling more but haven’t gotten there yet. The first step is recognizing the problem so now I just need to work on replacing the bad habit with something else.

What I’m proud of:

My movement. This month I really got back on track with walking consistently almost every day and 2 to 3 strength training sessions a week. In fact, every week but one, I got in 3 sessions. The one week I didn’t was the week I had a memorial and it threw me off a bit. I didn’t let it stop me from jumping right back into it, like I would have in the past. I even planned ahead one week I knew would be extra busy and got in a strength training session on Sunday to start off the week setting myself up for success.

What I’m avoiding:

Still avoiding the mess in my closet. June has been a busy month with my kiddos getting out of school, work, the above mentioned memorial, getting ready for vacation and then the vacation itself at the end of the month. I’m hoping to dive into it during July. I know I’ll feel so much better when I finally tackle it, but it’s just taking the first step that’s the hardest most often.

What I’m trying again with:

I am trying again with counting my calories. I’ve gotten my movement habits in place and now I’m stacking tracking my calories. Not so much to be super strict, but to be more aware of how much I’m eating. I eat fairly healthy and rarely eat out but eating more than I should has always been a problem. I’m not planning on tracking forever, just long enough to help me recognize what a portion should actually be, not just dumping a bunch of food on my plate.

What I’m grateful for:

This month I’m grateful for recognizing that my children are now teenagers and are perfectly capable of taking care of themselves for the most part. I have been asking for more help with things, and they have been great about helping out and not complaining. As a mom, it’s hard to recognize your babies are growing up, but it’s also really nice to have them be able to help out and take things off my plate when needed.

I share all of this because I’ve grown tired of the perfectly curated lives that are what get shared online. They do nothing but make the majority of people feel bad about their own lives because they are comparing themselves to someone else’s highlight reels. One of my goals with this platform is to show the unfiltered, authentic parts of life that most never show or even talk about.

Doing these check-ins and putting words to these things helps me to celebrate what is working and not obsess so much about the negatives, because I’ve acknowledged it. It goes a long way toward helping me find the cozy balance many of us are seeking.

Give it a try yourself. Tell me, what’s one thing that’s working or not for you this month?

Until next time, stay cozy.

I’m one of those people who could never pick a favorite season. There’s something to love about them all. Living seasonally allows me to enjoy and appreciate each one for what it has to offer.

Autumn is the season of apples, pumpkins and beautiful fall colors. We get to enjoy being outside without being too hot. There’s the excitement of transitioning to our boots, cozy sweaters and vests.

Winter is the ultimate cozy season. We get to curl up by the fire with our favorite books, and no one will bat an eye if we don’t move from that spot for the several months the stormy, cold weather lasts.

Spring is when everything comes alive and we get to see nature come back to life after a winter’s slumber, much like many of us. It’s the season we get to go back outside and start our gardens and bask in the sun that may have been absent for the last several months. The spring flower and baby wildlife provide endless joy and entertainment.

Summer is the season of long, hot days filled to the max with all we can fit into the sunny months. Relaxing at the beach or river on lazy weekends. The gardens explode and we have more fresh produce than we could ever consume.

It’s the fresh produce that gets me most excited during the summer. Specifically, the berries. There is nothing tastier than a berry plucked straight from the bush. The warm, sweet flavors bursting on your tongue cannot be reproduced any other way.

Picking berries is my favorite intentional slow living summertime activity.

I love growing berries because they’re perennials that come back year after year once planted. All they require is a little weeding and trimming. The plants and branches fill with delicious jewels of color just waiting to be picked.

Blueberries, raspberries and strawberries all get eaten the second they’re ripe. We eat our fill straight from the plants as we pick more than we’ll be able to each fresh, and not for lack of trying. We gorge ourselves with the tasty treats while they’re in season. Whatever we can’t get through goes in the freezer to enjoy in smoothies and baked goods throughout the year.

But berries from the garden are just the beginning of our fruity collection. We also forage for blackberries and coveted huckleberries. The blackberries are easy to come by as they’re an invasive plant and will take over if you’re not careful.

The huckleberries on the other hand are native and a delicacy. If you tried to buy them, they’d go for upwards of $90 a gallon.

We are fortunate enough to have red huckleberries growing wild on our property. They’re more common on the coast of the Pacific Northwest where we live. If you’ve ever heard of huckleberries, you’ve probably seen the evergreen variety that looks a lot like a small almost purple blueberry.

They’re such a small berry it takes a while to pick enough to make anything with them. It takes me about an hour to pick a quart, and it’s completely worth it. I usually end up with 8 to 10 quarts to stash in my freezer.

The time spent harvesting the tasty morsels is spent outside in nature with the sun warming my skin, the chirp of birds serenading me, and if I’m really lucky my family sometimes joins me for the summertime ritual.

If you’ve never tried picking your own berries, I highly encourage you to find a farm to do so this summer. Or if you’re feeling more adventurous, find some wild berries to harvest. Just be sure to check with an expert beforehand so you can be certain you know which berries are safe to eat.

Once you give it a try, I bet it’ll become a summertime tradition for you as well.

Until next time, stay cozy and enjoy some summer berries.

This post contains affiliate links. If you purchase through them, I may earn a small commission at no extra cost to you. I only recommend things I actually use or genuinely think you’d love.

I’ve talked about using the Instant pot as a tool for those days when you’re too exhausted to make dinner. It certainly is amazing for that and definitely makes it worth the price for that alone. But there are also many other things this machine can do for you in the kitchen.

My Instant pot is over 11 years old and still going strong. I use it so much I bought a second bigger one. I don’t use this one nearly as often but when I’m cooking for a lot of people it’s so nice to have it.

What I love it for the most is those things that can take a long time to cook, and you have to babysit on the stove, or those things that can be tricky to get just right.

Things like brown rice. I love brown rice but could never get it right cooking it on the stove top. Not to mention it takes forever and a day to cook.

Since I’ve learned to make it in the Instant pot I make it almost once a week. I cup rice to 1.25 cups of water and seasoning, cook for 28 minutes and it comes out perfect. Every. Single. Time.

Steel cut oats are something else that takes waaay tooo long to cook. Especially when I’m starving for breakfast. In the instant pot, it’s cooked to perfection in 13 minutes. 1 cup of steel cut oats to 4 cups of water. I like to add chopped walnuts, cinnamon and a dash of salt to mine while it cooks.

Cooking beans from scratch saves so much money and they taste way better. The Instant Post is perfect for cooking them just right. Soak the beans overnight and then cook for 26 minutes. They come out so creamy and delicious. Sooo much better than canned.

How about mashed potatoes? Mine always splatter everywhere while cooking. Now I just quarter up the potatoes, toss in some butter, salt and pepper, 1 cup of water (no matter how many potatoes) and cook for 8 minutes. You don’t even have to drain them, just add milk and cream cheese (makes them ahhmazing) and mash in the pot. So super easy.

Speaking of potatoes, the Instant Pot makes potato salad so super easy. Cook the eggs and potatoes at the same time!

Say what?

Yep, you read that right. Cube up the potatoes, put them in a steamer basket, eggs go on top, a cup of water on the bottom of the pot and cook for 4 minutes. Cool the eggs in ice water and let the potatoes cool before adding the dressing.

And you certainly can’t forget the hard boiled eggs. This was the whole reason I originally bought the machine. We have chickens and fresh eggs are notorious for being hard to peel. Not with the Instant pot.

I blew my mother- in-law and sister-in-law away when I used eggs straight from the chickens and they peeled perfectly.

Put the eggs in the steamer basket, a cup of water in the bottom of the pot. Cook them for 5 minutes, let them rest in the pot for 5 minutes and then cool in ice water. I can peel the shell off older eggs in two pieces cooking them this way.

Now mind you these times are just the cooking times. There is also the time it takes the pot to come up to pressure which can vary depending how much food is in it. In my experience it’s usually 10 to 15 minutes. Still not bad, especially when you can set it and walk away. No babysitting the food while it cooks. No splatters from water boiling from the pot because it’s contained.

A few other things I use the pot for are raising my dough for my no knead artisan loaves. It can take 12 - 24 hours for this bread to rise normally, but with the Instant pot I can put it on the yogurt setting for 3.5 hours and it’s perfect. Homemade bread doesn’t get easier than that.

• Combine 3 to 3.5 cups of flour depending on your humidity, 1 tsp salt, 2 tsp yeast, and 1.5 cups of water.

• Mix them together in the pot. Put it on the low yogurt setting.

• When it’s done, put a piece of parchment paper down lightly floured and turn the dough on it

• Shape it into a ball while the oven heats to 500 degrees with a dutch oven in it.

• Let it rest for 30 minutes and then transfer the dough on the parchment paper into the dutch oven.

• Turn the oven down to 450 degrees and cook for 20 minutes with the lid on.

• Take the lid off and cook for another 10 minutes or until golden brown.

• Let it cool before slicing.

You might think it sounds like I’m in love with this machine and you wouldn’t be wrong. I used to work in Extension, and they would have home and garden classes they would ask me to teach about using the Instant Pot at because I was always talking about them. I had convinced everyone I work with to buy one.

I know from experience that people can be leery of the device because of the pressure-cooking aspects of it. I can tell as long as you follow the safety directions, you’ll never have a problem.

I encourage you to try some of these foods in it if you have one. If you don’t, I highly recommend getting one. It’ll make life so much easier for you.

I’d love to hear how it goes if you give it a try. Or I’d love to hear your tips for using one. I’m always looking for new ways to cook with it.

Until next time, stay cozy.

Last Saturday I was writing a note to share here on Substack about my productive day the day before. It began getting way too long to share as a note. This is my signal it’s meant to be an article instead of a note.

This is the shortened note I ended up sharing:

Had an extremely productive day yesterday. Almost broke my highest daily word count ever, coming in at over 5600 words between a Substack article and my current WIP.

Still managed to get in a walk and strength training before I made dinner for my family.

I’m on a deadline to finish the manuscript to turn into my editor so my focus was on getting words done for it. I had given myself permission to let everything else go.

Turns out, with the momentum and habits I have been building, the permission wasn’t needed.

Here is the rest of what I had originally had as part of the note.

I had enough words in on my WIP I felt comfortable taking a break at 1:30 to write a short Substack article. I figured it would be 300-500 words, it turned into 850. Then I jumped back into writing the WIP because I’m at the stage where everything is falling into place and the words are flowing.

I had to force myself to stop at 3:30, even though I wanted to keep going. I knew I needed a break from being in front of the screen all day. I went for a walk and did my strength training.

I expected to wake up to an adrenaline crash and low energy today because that is what usually happens after a big day of writing for me and I’ve had two in a row.

Again, focusing on habits that support my health, win again, because though I’m a bit tired from restless sleep, I’m ready to get the WIP finished.

None of this happened overnight. It’s been years of coming back to the basics.

This is where I stopped because I was nowhere near finished with what I wanted to say.

For the last several years I have been focusing on daily walks and 2 to 3 strength training sessions a week. I have been writing regularly and tracking it all. I have been working diligently on building these habits.

Even though there are months I don’t walk as much and weeks that pass by without strength training. I have stopped giving up. Always returning to them. And right now they are locked in solid as daily habits.

So last week when it was beyond busy, it required no thought from me to make time for them during my day. I even looked ahead knowing I wasn’t going to be able to work out on Monday beyond walking, I took time on Sunday to get a strength training session in order to set myself up for success.

I walked every day last week, did 3 strength sessions, wrote over 15,000 words, finished my WIP, had meetings, wrote Substack articles, made a YouTube video and shorts, took care of my family, and all the other things that go along with life.

It was a high energy week for me, and I powered through it without so much as hesitating getting everything accomplished I needed to, including taking care of myself.

I didn’t have the normal crash I’ve come to expect because my habits have me full of energy. It wasn’t until I had a couple of restless nights Saturday and Sunday did I slow down. I was still working but didn’t get my walks in on Sunday and Monday due to low energy.

But on Tuesday I was right back at it keeping the habits in place. I am definitely ready for a rest after today. In fact, I wasn’t sure I was going to finish this article today, but after getting outside in the fresh air earlier, working in the garden, I came back refreshed and ready to get back to work.

This is how I know consistency and habits win over motivation and dedication. I didn’t get my workouts in because I was motivated to. They happened because of the habits I have been building. I wasn’t motivated to get outside and walk but it happened because I was actually craving the movement after sitting in front of the screen for so long.

Now here’s the thing. It’s working right now, but I know there will be a time in the future when I fall off the wagon. But I’m also not worried about it because I know I’ll pick myself back up and keep going.

There’s no more starting over each January or on Monday. It doesn’t matter what day of the week it is or how long it’s been. The best time to start was yesterday. The second-best time is now.

There will be days or weeks that we fall out of the habits, and that’s okay. That’s a part of life. We are not perfect nor will our habits be. The key is to keep going no matter how long it’s been. Consistency will get us to where we want to be.

What habits are carrying you through right now? What ones do you need to get back to? Don’t forget the ones that take care of us, like resting when we need it.

Until next time, stay cozy.

This post contains affiliate links. If you purchase through them, I may earn a small commission at no extra cost to you. I only recommend things I actually use or genuinely think you'd love.

Today I’m going to share something that may sound a little unhinged, but I want you to stick with me. Because it’s been an absolute game-changer for me, and I think it could be for you too if you give it a chance.

As women of a certain age, we are bombarded with ‌messages to prioritize protein and get more fiber in our diets. And I’m sure I don’t have to tell you what a challenge this can be, especially not when you don’t want to rely heavily on protein bars and the like or eating endless amounts of chicken.

I try to aim for whole foods as the bulk of my diet and do enjoy chicken several times a week. I like cottage cheese, but am wary of the high sodium in it, so try to limit the consumption to only occasionally. I also have eggs and Greek yogurt most days, but still “enough” protein is still a challenge.

So how did I finally break the code to getting enough protein? I turned to another highly recommended source of not only protein but fiber.

That source?

The underappreciated bean.

Now I know beans can be controversial. They are one of those foods that you tend to either love or hate.

Or maybe you just haven’t really ever given them the chance they deserve, so you think you hate them.

I can tell you I was rather ambivalent toward them myself for most of my life. There were a few things I would have beans in, like chili, and there were always the classic baked beans at a barbecue. Which, frankly, I was never a fan of.

I grew up in a meat and potatoes household and married into one as well. So beans were not an item I learned to cook with. Not until a few years ago, and even then, it was sparingly tried here and there but not loved.

This all changed when I discovered how to cook the beans themselves. Now I usually eat a cup of beans a day, if not more. Sometimes even just plain beans. I’m also now a big fan of lentils as well. They are incredible little powerhouses of protein and fiber.

They are another lesson from the Blue Zones as well. Lesson three, to be exact — make beans the centerpiece of lunch and dinner.

Now here’s where it gets a little unhinged, and I veer from the lesson. Breakfast is one of the meals which now star beans for me.

Yes, you read that right. Beans for breakfast almost daily for the last six months.

You might be wondering how I turn them into a breakfast food, which has become my hyper-fixation, much like my beloved salad (yes, I’m still eating it several times a week, and still love it.)

The secret is I put the beans in a smoothie. Not just any smoothie, but one that feels like a decant coffee treat. It keeps me full and satisfied all morning long with 28 grams of protein and 23 grams of fiber coming in at 400 calories!

One cup of chickpeas, 1 cup unsweetened almond milk, 1.5 tbsp carob powder, 1 tsp instant coffee, 1 scoop Orgain iced coffee protein powder and ice, blended in a high-power blender (my Vitamix has been going strong for 13 years.) You can also use black beans as well.

It’s creamy and so satisfying. You can’t even taste the beans. The ingredients keep so they’re always on hand and it’s quick and easy to make, and portable if you’re on the go (but really I highly encourage you to sit down and enjoy your breakfast with a good book, journaling or even just enjoying the fresh morning air if at all possible.)

Now if you’re not used to beans, you probably want to work your way up to 1 cup at a time. Especially if they have caused stomach discomfort before.

But here’s something that will help with digestibility and overall taste and texture. Soaking dried beans overnight and then cooking them in the Instant Pot. I tell you they become so creamy and delicious. So much tastier than canned.

Dried beans are also more economical, and that can help you justify your instant pot purchase if needed ;)

Have I blown your mind? Maybe you gagged at the thought. Whatever your reaction, don’t let it stop you from trying it out. I promise it’s not nearly as bad as it might sound, and you just might find your gateway into the wonderful world of beans. Something we could all use a little more of in our lives, honestly.

I’d love to hear what you think, drop it in the comments.

Until next time, stay cozy.

You can’t be online nowadays without seeing someone talk about some challenge they are doing. 75 Hard, 75 Soft, 30-Day Challenges, Life Makeovers, etc., seem to be everywhere.

You’ve probably even tried them for yourself. I know I have. But if you’re anything like me, and you just might be since you’re here, you’ve crashed and failed spectacularly each and every time.

The thing with these challenges is they don’t leave any allowance for life to happen. You miss one day and you’re supposed to start over again.

I swore off challenges long ago. Why put myself through the stress they cause without any benefit because I never stick with them?

Over the last few weeks, though, I’ve seen a couple of YouTube videos talking about challenges. They both reference a prompt that if someone were watching your life, would they know what your goals were?

These challenges they are doing feel different–softer, more forgiving. They’re building habits gently, allowing for life and imperfection.

This is my kind of thinking. Habits and momentum over motivation and dedication, which only leave me burnt out.

Sarra Cannon of Heart Breathings is doing a Project 180. What I love about what she’s doing is not trying to do everything at once. She’s taking 180 days to slowly build up the habits that she wants to continue for the rest of her life.

She took the entire first month to get herself in a place‌ where she was ready for the challenge while dealing with COVID and the death of her mother-in-law. Using the time to rest, recover and plan how the rest of the time would go.

I don’t know anyone who has ever started a challenge with these kinds of obstacles and still continued forward.

I’m in a place right now where I need ‌an extra push to get to where I want to be in life. I’m finally getting back to a good place with my daily and weekly movement goals, but my eating habits are still lingering. I also would really like to stop ignoring the clutter in my house and deal with it. My doomscrolling has gotten a bit out of hand as of late, and my journaling has fallen by the wayside.

Right now, I’m unofficially using the momentum I have going with my writing and my movement to stack the other habits I want to work on.

This week I’m starting to focus on tracking my calories to get my eating back under control. I will eventually add daily nonfiction reading and journaling habits as I gain footing with each habit. When it no longer feels like work to include the newest, I will include the next.

I won’t quit when I miss a day or two. I will plan ahead for my vacation at the end of the month, so it doesn’t take me completely off course.

This has always been where I trip up the most. I miss those days and then never get back to it. Consistency is what will get me to the life I want. That is one where I’m active and mobile, learning and traveling for as long as possible.

I have figured out what the life I actually want looks like. Now I need to take the steps to make it happen. This doesn’t mean I’m going to become an uber productive, ambitious person. It just means that I’m not going to always allow myself to be comfy.

We can have slow mornings and days, without urgency and filling them completely, but still move our lives forward.

I was visiting with my aunt last weekend and we were talking about the stark differences in people in their 60s and 70s nowadays. Some of the 70-year-olds could pass for 50, while some of the 60-year-old look and act 80.

The difference between them was the ones who seemed older had become complacent. They spend their time relaxing on the couch, only to never find their way off the darn thing.

This is exactly what I’m writing about and trying to achieve with this Substack.

I’ve become clear on what brings me joy and what I want my life to look like over the last couple of years. And I’ve been getting closer to achieving that life. But I still have work to do.

Honestly, I never want to stop growing because that’s when you become stagnant and stuck on the couch. But I also have to do it in a way that’s sustainable for me. I’ve burnt out before and don’t care to repeat it.

I want a calmer, softer life, but not one that has me aging faster than I want to be.

Does this sound like you? I’d love to know if it is. My goal is to build a community of like-minded people who can support each other.

If so, take some time to consider what your ideal life would be. Each day do something that moves you forward toward that life.

We can do this together friends, without the pressure and stress.

Until next time, stay cozy.

This post contains affiliate links. If you purchase through them, I may earn a small commission at no extra cost to you. I only recommend things I actually use or genuinely think you'd love.

There are two kinds of people – those who use planners and those who do not. For years I fell in the do not category, but that didn’t mean I wasn’t trying with all my might and failing to fit myself into the planner category.

I loved the look of the neatly organized planners with boxes for everything. How pretty they looked, all filled out, complete with bubble letters, doodles, and stickers. I tried year after year, always with a fresh planner to become that person. My New Year’s resolution right after losing weight was always to get organized.

By February the thing would be tossed in a drawer, never to be looked at again. Sometimes I would try again with the start of a new school year, but again never stuck with it.

I also attempted journaling with even less success. I finally gave up all attempts and accepted I would be a person with a million sticky note reminders scattered everywhere.

Then, ten years ago, I discovered the system that changed everything for me. In the years since I have a record of every single day of my life without any gaps.

Did you just gasp? Because I did just writing it.

That photo of the stack of journals at the top? Those are all completely filled with everything that has happened in my life over the last TEN years.

During this time without fail I have recorded what is happening in my life after struggling for decades to just get all my appointments in one place. The system that finally stuck for me was bullet journaling.

I’d be surprised if you haven’t heard of bullet journaling by now. You may have dismissed it as another planning gimmick, but let me tell you, it‌ certainly is not, and it has been an absolute game changer for me.

My memory used to be sharper than a tack and I could remember everything without missing a beat. Then I got married and had children, while working full time, and going to school. There was no way I could keep track of everything anymore.

Lists and notes became my savior, but they were always scattered around everywhere. Keeping track of them all was beyond impossible. One day I was reading a blog, probably of a photographer I was following at the time, because photography was a big part of my life back then.

Whoever it was talked about their new bullet journal and how they were using it to keep their life on track. It seemed too simple to be true, only requiring any old notebook, a pen or pencil, and a few icons to differentiate your notes.

This system was developed by Ryder Carroll in 2013 to help with his ADHD. He has a book and website now dedicated to it. It is one of the few productivity books I have read completely and return to occasionally.

Once I heard about it, I seemed to see it everywhere, as tends to happen when you get something on your mind. Finally, I grabbed a notebook and gave it a try for myself. Let me tell you it was a complete game changer in keeping my life organized during a time when overwhelm was my default.

I will warn you though, you will most likely end up having a favorite pen and notebook once you discover the amazingness of this system. Mine are the dot grid LEUCHTTURM journal and the uniball Jetstream RT Ballpoint Pens, which I buy in bulk, so I never run out. I love them that much and keep one with me wherever I go.

The best part about the bullet journaling method is the flexibility of it. There are tons of people who have amazing hand-drawn journals, and over the years I have tried making the pretty versions. I even managed to keep one for an entire year, but I always come back to the core method at its most basic.

The index, future log, monthly log and daily log with signifiers work together to keep tracking your life manageable, and not overwhelming.

The signifiers I use and are most common are:

O for events

• for tasks, which then get x for completed or > if migrated forward

— for notes

! for important things

? for questions, or things that need further research

The great thing about the system is if you don’t end up being consistent with it, you can start again exactly where you left off. Not wasting tons of pages and space like you do with preprinted planners. Besides the flexibility of the system this is a main selling point that helped get me to be consistent.

The third piece that helped me wrap my mind around planning and journaling was to boil each task, thought, or note down to its most basic. You’re not using full sentences, just enough words to convey what you want or need to remember.

I can now say I’m a planner person and I am absolutely thankful that I am because I can’t tell you how many times these journals have come in clutch when I need to remember a particular event or place from the time I have been keeping record.

There are so many studies on the benefits of writing things down with pen and paper and this system has helped me reap them all. It has helped me become more organized and my life less chaotic during a time when I needed it most.

I am truly thankful for the system and the habit of planning and journaling I have developed. Not to mention how satisfying it is to see this stack of journals and flip through them occasionally, allowing me to reminisce and remember things I otherwise would’ve forgotten.

Have you heard of bullet journaling? If so, have you tried it? If not, I highly encourage you to give it a go.

Don’t let the pretty journals out there overwhelm you. I think it is the number one reason people give up. For us type B personalities, simple is usually best.

I’d love to hear about your experience with it and I’d be happy to answer any questions. Just let me know in the comments.

Until next time, stay cozy.

Last week in my May real life check in article I talked about my closet as the thing I’m avoiding. When I was writing it out, I started to go into far too great of detail on why it was something I was avoiding. When I do that, it makes me realize it’s something that needs an article all of its own.

Clutter is definitely one of the things in my life I struggle with finding balance. Or I guess I think I have a balance between having some clutter but not letting it overtake my life.

Now, if you were to ask my husband, he would say I’m a hoarder, but the man only has four pairs of pants, six shirts, two sweatshirts, and three pairs of shoes as his wardrobe. He ruthlessly throws everything away.

I’d like to clarify that I am not, in fact, a hoarder. My closets might be overstuffed, and I have a corner of the garage filled with boxes from when we moved six years ago that I still have not dealt with, but that is the extent of my hoarding. No trails through piles of garbage in my house.

It does cause some arguments, and I would like to get rid of the clutter that has been piling up, because I do feel better when I do get it cleaned up. But I also have attachment to the stuff that makes it harder for me to just get rid of it.

Some of it I have an emotional attachment to. Clothes I wore for specific things, like my wedding dress. I really should get rid of it. It was cleaned and put into a box where it’s been for the last twenty years unopened.

Books are another hard thing for me to get rid of. I’m a reader and love books, but the majority of them have not been opened in years. I could get rid of probably two-thirds of them, but they are reminders of past interests, and I just might want to reference them again at some point.

Then there’s the “I might need this again someday” stuff. I’ve read about the rule that if it’d cost less than $20 to replace, then you need to get rid of it because it’s just junk. Besides, half the time I end up buying it new anyway because I didn’t remember I had something and now I have two.

There’s also guilt associated with having items to get rid of. The money I spent on an item that only got used once or twice. The items I bought for my aspirational self and never used. Some things are worth upwards of $100. I feel like I need to sell them so they get piled up, but then I never get around to doing it.

Then we have the guilt for contributing to landfills that are already overflowing. There’s one landfill I have driven by over the years, and I have watched it go from flat land to several mountains.

The idea of contributing more to that makes me sick to my stomach, but then what’s the alternative, using my house as a landfill?

So what I’m doing about this now is being much more intentional about what I buy and bring into my house. I will wait several days before purchasing something to make sure it’s not an impulse buy. I have enough clothes and, like most people, really only wear a small amount of what I have. So unless something is worn out and needs to be replaced, I’m buying very little.

I’m slooowly working on cleaning the clutter. Throwing out the just in case items as I come across them. If I haven’t needed it in the five years I’ve lived here or longer, I don’t need to hang onto it.

My clothing closet is for now getting a cursory pull of the things I haven’t worn in several years. I won’t be ruthless there yet because of my fluctuating weight at the current time.

This is a process that won’t happen overnight. I’m giving myself grace as I do it. The money’s been spent. Dwelling on it or hanging onto something I don’t need is only exacerbating the problem.

I know getting rid of it will be so very freeing when I do it, but that doesn’t mean it makes it any easier to part with it. Acknowledging the problem is the first step. Now baby steps will get me moving in the right direction and eventually to a level of clutter that doesn’t feel so overwhelming.

Where do you fall on the clutter scale? Ruthless minimalist, towers of crap, which might fall and kill you, or are you in the middle with me? If you’re in the middle but feeling the call to pare down the clutter what are your plans to do so? I’d love to know.

Until next time, stay cozy.

I previously wrote about how to start a garden anywhere. Today I want to discuss why you should garden.

The answer probably seems obvious, right? You garden to grow your own fruits and vegetables. And this is the number one reason people participate in this activity. But there are also many other benefits to gardening you might not have even considered.

Gardening is one of the most beneficial activities you can participate in for your whole body, including your mind.

Didn’t see that coming, did you?

Gardening is good for your mind?

Absolutely!

Think about it for a minute. What other activity gets you outside in the fresh air away from technology and doomscrolling, has you learning new skills, exercising your mind and your body, reduces stress, and quiets your mind with mundane repetitive tasks? And to top it all off provides nourishing foods for mind and body.

In fact, gardening is one of the activities that those who stay active and live the longest participate in most. It is part of lesson one for living longer in Blue Zones by longevity expert Dan Buettner.

Gardening is also one of the activities that is most often associated with slow living. Which makes absolute sense because nothing slows you down like waiting months for the seeds you planted to sprout into a plant before it’ll eventually provide you with produce you can harvest and eat.

It also connects you to nature and the earth in ways that no other activity does. You become in tune with the seasons, knowing what to plant when. Digging in the dirt, getting soil on your skin is the most grounding thing we can do. Something that has become so very rare in modern society and concrete jungles that so many live in.

There’s also a whimsy to it. Playing in the dirt is a staple of childhood. Gardening brings back the joy of carefree days of digging holes and molding soil into creations from mud pies to racetracks.

Nothing brings about mindfulness like the planning and research that goes into creating a thriving (or maybe not so thriving) garden. Learning the timing of when to plant what and orchestrating what to plant where to achieve the best harvest possible gets your mind working.

Then you spend the time in the physical effort prepping a garden space, planting, weeding, tending, and harvesting. I won’t lie, gardening can be physically exhausting, but for me it’s the most rewarding exhaustion there is. For those of us that struggle to get movement into our days gardening is the perfect activity to get more of it.

I have a friend who is an expert gardener. She grows much of the food her family consumes. For her it is about getting quality produce while keeping costs down. She is tenacious about not letting anything go to waste including her effort.

I can certainly see not wanting your efforts to go to waste, but for me the other benefits of gardening certainly make up for potential failures and wasted crops. Because in reality there comes a point in gardening, especially in the summer when you’re overwhelmed with keeping up with the weeding, tending and harvesting that things start to slip.

It’s at this point that produce can go to seed or rot on the vine because in your spring exuberance you planted more than you can keep up with. Now you’re just too busy to get to it all.

This is the point where my type B personality takes over.

I’m not going to stress I haven’t harvested every last piece of produce or kill myself trying to preserve everything. I’m okay with letting some of it go. Not because I don’t care about wasting my efforts, but because the end product isn’t the entire point.

By the time I’ve reached the juncture of overwhelm I’ve reaped all those other benefits of gardening already so none of my effort has been wasted.

My garden provides a hobby which simultaneously stimulates my mind as well as provides meditative space. Allowing it to wander while I do repetitive tasks like planting, weeding, and harvesting. Something we don’t get nearly enough of in modern society.

Not only has it provided those benefits for my mind, but I’ve gotten the benefits of all the physical activity as well. The fresh produce is not to be ignored either. The majority of it will be eaten and preserved to enjoy throughout the year.

Even when I get to the point of not being able to keep up, nothing really goes to waste because I have chickens and the extra or overripe produce goes to them to provide them with a fresh nutritious supplement to their diet.

If you don’t have chickens, you can harvest seeds and compost the extra for next year’s garden to keep from feeling like you’ve wasted effort.

The most ironic part of me touting the benefits of gardening or even participating in the activity myself for that matter, is that I grew up with a mother who had a huge garden and preserved most of our food. Let me tell you I hated it with a passion. It boiled down to the forced child labor of having to help with it.

Now my entire family laughs when my mom and I get into gardening conversations. It’s funny how life works out. Some things you can truly only appreciate with time and distance. For me gardening is definitely one of those things.

Now you know the many advantages of gardening and how easy it can be to start anywhere from my previous article, I hope you give even a few containers a try. Plant some lettuce and radishes and in a month you’ll have a delicious salad, on top of all the other benefits.

What’s more cozy than picking your own salad from your back patio and not having to leave the house?

I’d love to hear how it goes. If you have questions let me know and I’ll do my best to help.

Until next time, stay cozy.

Time for May’s real life check in. This month was a struggle for me for sure, but I finally feel like I’m bouncing back. Here’s to starting June off with some momentum.

What I’m struggling with:

Not feeling well. I got sick enough that I spent an entire day in bed this month. Definitely not normal for me. I’ve been dealing with a few other lingering aches, pains, and generally not feeling good. I always panic when I have these bouts because I foresee it only getting worse. The plus side is it always kicks me into gear and motivates me to buckle down on focusing on my wellness, so this doesn’t continue to happen.

What I’m proud of:

Being much more conscientious with my shopping. I do enjoy shopping online, especially looking for deals, but it has contributed to significant clutter in my house. May has tons of sales for Mother’s Day and Memorial Day. I’m happy to say that I resisted almost all purchases during these sales. I did replace a pair of my favorite sandals that broke, but the old ones were thrown out so really it didn’t contribute to more that won’t be used.

What I’m avoiding:

I have been avoiding dealing with the cluttered mess that has taken on a life of its own in my closet. It’s so bad that there are not only piles of shoes on the floor but clothes as well. I need to get rid of what I haven’t worn in forever but letting go of some of it is difficult due to the emotional attachment. There’s also guilt over money spent on things hardly worn and not wanting to contribute to landfills, which is a whole other issue in itself. Then there’s also the fact I’ve gained some weight over the last year and some of my favorite things do not fit well. I’m attempting to lose the pounds that have crept on with hormonal changes, but it’s a challenge. I’m not ready to let go of those things yet either. So avoidance has become my default here.

What I’m trying again with:

My garden is challenging me this year. I was late getting it started, not getting seeds into the ground until the end of April and, just my luck, only about a third of them germinated. So I planted another whole round in hopes that this time I’ll have better success. Fingers crossed, because it’s late for peas now, and sugar snap peas are my favorite. The ones from the store in no way compare to homegrown, so this is the only time of year I get them.

What I’m grateful for:

I’m so very grateful for the weather finally giving us a break. I live in a rainy climate, so it’s to be expected that spring will be wet and gray. I’m used to it, but when my energy levels dip like they did mid-month, the dreary weather really doesn’t help. Thankfully, the last few weeks we’ve had some gorgeous weather, and it really helps perk me up. It’s really hard not to be in a good mood when the sun is shining.

I share all of this because I’ve grown tired of the perfectly curated lives that are what get shared online. They do nothing but make the majority of people feel bad about their own lives because they are comparing themselves to someone else’s highlight reels. One of my goals with this platform is to show the unfiltered, authentic parts of life that most never show or even talk about.

Doing these check-ins and putting words to these things helps me to celebrate what is working and not obsess so much about the negatives, because I’ve acknowledged it. It goes a long way toward helping me find the cozy balance many of us are seeking.

Give it a try yourself. Tell me, what’s one thing that’s working or not for you this month?

Until next time, stay cozy.

This post contains affiliate links. If you purchase through them, I may earn a small commission at no extra cost to you. I only recommend things I actually use or genuinely think you’d love.

Besides walking, strength training is the most important form of exercise you can do to continue to thrive as you age. By middle age it becomes nonnegotiable if we want to stay mobile and keep from having accidents that we may never fully recover from.

The recommendation is to include 3 sessions a week to maintain our muscle strength as we age.

For many of us though, strength training brings to mind complicated machines and intimidating bodybuilder workouts with weights we’d never begin to imagine picking up.

Thankfully, strength training does not have to look like that and is accessible to everyone with one small, affordable piece of equipment. The resistance band is a great tool for anyone getting started on their journey to include this crucial exercise as part of a regular workout routine.

Please note I am not a medical professional nor a certified trainer. It is best that you consult with professionals before starting any new workout.

There are many benefits to using resistance bands. They provide joint-friendly resistance. Are good for functional movement, which is what we want to focus on as we age. They are portable and inexpensive, especially when compared to other gym equipment.

I love resistance bands for their portability. They take up no space at all, and you can take them with you wherever you go, so you’re never without them and can do a workout anywhere, including a hotel room.

There are many different types you can get ranging from bands with handles, long looped bands and mini bands. I like having a combination of the long looped and mini bands. I prefer the fabric ones over the rubbery ones. Both can stretch out over time, but the rubbery ones can weather and snap if you’re not careful.

I like doing full body workouts because then, if for some reason I don’t get all my sessions in during a week, I don’t train one area and not others.

These are my favorite exercises to do with the bands for a full body workout.

• Bicep curl

• Squat

• Row

• Chest Press

• Deadlift

• Overhead press

• Bridge

After going for a walk to warm up, I do 8 to 15 reps of each exercise one after the other for one set and rest 60 seconds before doing one or two more sets. The last 1 or 2 reps are just to the point of failure. I focus on consistency and form, using slow controlled movements throughout the entirety of each exercise.

This takes right around 15 minutes, and I’ve gotten in a strength training workout without feeling like I won’t be able to move the next day.

If you are new to strength training, I highly encourage you to try ‌resistance bands as an easy way to get started. Your bands will most likely come with exercise instructions, but YouTube and Pinterest are full of tutorials to get you started right from the comfort of your living room.

Until next time, stay cozy.